di ai sha mee ya gongaa?

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im prettty sure u'll find that out after readin this.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

never been this scared in my life .

i got a fone call today at 10:43am . i was still enjoyin sleep since i had off i thought i could have some extra sleep and then naturally wake up and enjoy the day with the fam . but i get that fone call, i looked at my fone and caller i.d says its my sister . thought about it for a second, then thought maybe the fam wanna do somethin extra special that we would head out earlier than usual, so i answered . it was my crying sister, michele . she tells me to wake up cuz we gotta take my mom to the hospital . eyes popped open and asked what da hell is goin on . she rambled some of her medical mumbo jumbo that i couldnt understand, but i heard "her heart" and "doctor said to take her in" . so i hung up, jumped out of bed and ran upstairs still worried bout what da hell is goin on . caught my mom in the living room, scared look in her eyes and asked what was goin on . she said her doctor found something wrong with her heart again and that she has to go to the hospital . she went up to her room to get ready . then heard my sister comin up from downstairs, met up in the kitchen and saw she was still crying . this time i was really confused cuz i saw my mom looked fine, but my sister was hysterical . then she told me what happened after she caught her breath . my mom has had abnormalities in her heart that she's been working on for a couple years now and thought her medications has been helping . she's been feeling fine but lately she's been catchin herself out of breath and having difficulties breathing . thats da main reason she went to get a check up . then finding out that her heart is back to being abnormal . older sister arrived along with my neice and brother in law . talking in the kitchen, hearing whats been goin on and askin how could this happen and finally nervousness kicked in . dad comes down with a bag of my moms extra clothes made it worse . she has to STAY in the hospital . i felt like shit . dad started complaining to us . thats what he does when he gets worried . but he just doesnt complain, he starts crying . so i take it back, THAT made it worse . i was now scared . scared of whats going on . scared of what can happen, just scared . its my mom . i dont know what i would do . . . cant write like this .
but we took her to the hospital . she had one test done, and doctor said its nothing serious . nothing that medication cannot fix . weight off the shoulders . da sun came out . BUT he said she has to go through some more tests to make sure . we brought her to her room, she went through numerous needles that sucked her blood out of her body . seein her face clench tight from the pain, made me wanna hit the doctors and nurses in their faces but it had to be done . ive never seen my mom in this situation before . seein her in pain . seein her scared of her life . made me wish i was never around .
we had to leave, mom stayed behind . we have to wait til morning for the results . im praying to god to please give us results we wanna hear . she needs to be home . im gonna sleep so i can make the morning come faster and to bring my mama home .
i miss u ma . i love u .